Monday, September 6, 2010

...A Single Lady.

That's right, I said the big bad S-word: SINGLE.
Let's start from the beginning...

The Guy:
Jordan (name has been changed) is an amazing guy. He's great. He's kind, he's sweet, he's gorgeous, he's strong, he's mature, we have a TON in common, he's smart, and he genuinely cares about people. So what's the problem?

The Problem:
We're both in love with other people. Jordan is a great guy, and I will swear by that statement time and time again, and we had a great time together. We were interested in each other before we started dating, and we might as well have been dating at the time anyway with the way we were around each other... but once we actually labeled ourselves as "BF/GF", things went downhill. NOT THE WHOLE TIME; in the beginning everything was wonderful and I was happier than you could ever imagine... But over time it started to change.

He Changed:
He didn't call as much. We went for days on end without seeing each other, when we used to see each other every day. His "Good morning" text messages changed from "Hello, Beautiful, how are you this morning :)" to "Mornin". All of his texts consisted of one word and one word only, unless he was angry or frustrated about something. He was just so distant all the time.

I Changed:
At first I thought maybe something was wrong, and I tried to make him laugh. Then I decide I wasn't putting up with it. I talked to him less, too. Had less to say, really.

Why I'm Ok With This:
We had a great time together, and being together just felt good. I was happy. He made me smile. And he likes me... but he LOVES her. I understand how different that is... because I may like him very much, but I LOVE someone else... In both of our cases, we cannot be with the people we love right now. It's not possible at the moment. So why not make each other feel good? No harm, really...

The Breakup:
We both knew it was coming. Him, because he was planning it, and me, because I'm female and I just fucking know these things. Neither of us was surprised when it finally happened. Relieved, actually.

The Aftermath:
Now we don't have the awkwardness, the guilt of being in love with other people while we're with each other, or the distant silence. We're back to the way we were before we started officially "dating". No label. Great friends. He's still wonderful. He still makes me feel great about myself. He makes me smile. He makes me feel beautiful. Wonderful. Wanted. I don't need the label of his "girlfriend" to know he cares about me or to feel good when I'm around him. He's still a great guy even though we're not together. Let him have her... she sounds like a truly wonderful girl. They deserve each other. His friendship will be enough for me.

"Boy we've had a real good time,
And I wish you the best on your way...
Not that I don't care about ya,
Just that things got so 'compliquee'.
...I have something that I've loved long-long,
But my friends keep on telling me there's something wrong,
Then I met someone...
And eh, there's nothing else I can say.
Eh, eh."
 -- Lady Gaga

You're a butterfly, and butterflies are free to fly. <3